Yesterday was new year eve and what I did when all the people standing overjoy with a new year come was wheezing sleeping.
I first decided to go countdown but my mum didn't approve since we would have to gear up for tomorrow morning worship. So, I stayed at home watching tv then went sleeping unexpectedly early.
This morning I went to church and I eye only a few people I could count on the fingers of one hand. I could guess that those people might have been to countdown last night.
Anyway, my new year doesn't seem special for me. It's just as usual as the other mundane Sunday.
My resolution for 2012 are:
1) Become a sociable person, get rid of my introversion. (barely possible)
2) Become sporty (involve in one sport at least)
3) Have my pimples cured.
Can't think of others right now but I will add on soon!
Happy New year everyone! Have a great days in 2012!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
How life lived through the Greatest Love of All
Yesterday my sister came out with a problem required me to really mulling over how to deal with so-as I do hope so- it could be out of the way . That problem was what I had tried so much to shun and still, it couldn’t always be in the condition I left. It’s all about social problem.
I know I have only a few friends to live my life and that’s the thing I give way to helpless misery. She said I was an utterly different person when I went outdoors, compared to being at home. At home, I could flung off any anxiety and going happy-go-lucky and on the contrary, she didn’t see one time of my face wasn’t lodged in a worried line over my anxious eyes when I was outside.
‘So, you always have to be set in your way of putting on mask to live your eternity?’ it’s a rhetorical question instead of a statement.
I think I really do good in concealing my really hideous identity but actually it fails to the extend that I feel I’m doing nothing but to mocking myself. To reserve remoteness towards others' way of thinking is a tough thing to do. I think myself could have easily done presenting myself affably and maturely in peoples’ perspective of view.
My hideous identity is a foolish clown making people laugh the whole way and would not let them stop thinking of making fun at me like a freak. The hell don't they know how frail my self-esteem and dare to shatter it so cruelly. Every night thinking of my stupid childhood life has made me recoiling in the waves of pains and fears that have only lapped at me before now and I could bet them rear high up and wash over my head, pulling me under.
Time passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but passes it does. It’s unfortunately to say but, it has perforated a hole in my chest, a very negative impact in my life bigger even larger than you can imagine. It’s bad to have plague in the very past, flashing now and maybe the future that I couldn’t seem to shake.
I know it’s all too abstract and only profession in psychology can help to bring a solution in due course. I am so lucky and blessed to have a religion I have hold to. God have always been the refuge during the most painful spasm. If I have recognised it, I could have foreseen my prospective future. It’s so negative that I could have been psychopaths, drug-addict or even worse. I can feel my gloomy future as I- now and then- having a gnawing craving raging inside me which never been quenched out of the way. This desire coming up against me from my discontented mind every time I feel no sense of security which always picking up from disorientated emotion that I would have to quench it right at the moment.
It’s inexplicable but so true in every sense of my whole sinew. Thank God, He’s always my safe harbour and He’s always IS. His plans are far better than my destiny. Because of His love, I learned to hold Him tight and never let go.
I wouldn’t know exactly how long would it take for my aberrant behaviour to end and without any idea I could know how long would it take for myself to phase mutation. I would not like to put anyone around me out and I was trying to learn fending for myself. I should take life as challenges and live it to the fullest. But first and upon of all, I should learn to love myself only by the grace of God. And it always should, taking and giving the greatest love of all.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!
When I watched this really short clip, I paused for a while before I continued. I could feel the pain they had in their lives and how they emerged through the adversity they had. It's only by the grace of Lord they survived from the excruciating pain. The excruciating spasm they had was nothing but devoid of the most integral part in lives: parental love. I could not deny the inestimable spasm they had experienced without the vital love of all.. But there's the most vital of all, God's love which we could get it neither any effort nor price, but confessed to Lord we were sinners and responded to God's love.
No one and nothing could deny the orphans' refuge in the most horrible storm they had. It's because God loved without reasons, mended their broken hearts, and filled the starvation of their souls.
When I watched this really short clip, I paused for a while before I continued. I could feel the pain they had in their lives and how they emerged through the adversity they had. It's only by the grace of Lord they survived from the excruciating pain. The excruciating spasm they had was nothing but devoid of the most integral part in lives: parental love. I could not deny the inestimable spasm they had experienced without the vital love of all.. But there's the most vital of all, God's love which we could get it neither any effort nor price, but confessed to Lord we were sinners and responded to God's love.
No one and nothing could deny the orphans' refuge in the most horrible storm they had. It's because God loved without reasons, mended their broken hearts, and filled the starvation of their souls.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Fun Trip at Borneo Rainforest
I still remember the evocative trip at Borneo Rainforest Resort. Plentiful wilderness.
First of all, the students were told to assemble at somewhere around Block A or between Block B and Block C. I think is just them altogether.
We got on the bus, and I was still straggled behind the crowd anyway. We were all aboard in the bus and they were all in riotous laughter, and the party so was perked up!
First, the bus was organized and well-controlled for only its halfway before we were on a bumpy ride. When the bus went across untamed ground, the back seats of the bus bounced upwards on the spur of the moment, and the passengers seated at the back extolling how the ride rocked! Elisha was bantering with his peers sometimes interspersing with loud hoots of amusement.
After the bumpy ride that caused butterflies' assaults in my stomach, the students got off the bus, spreading themselves all out. Then, we took snapshots and went into the resort blithely. The workers there invited us affably at the resort; but somehow, some of the employees were seemed no genteel civilities. They groaned it’s too crowded. But anyway, that’s excusable.
We then sent to a hall that had simply equipped with basic outdoor games equipment. Great, the students started their impromptu games instead, yet it lasted no longer when the employees came at last and gave speeches about the safety precautions in the forest which I couldn't afford to listen nearly or mostly everything as where I seated was further back.
Then, it's time for watching the short clip prepared by the workers there. It's blunt, yet short, in a way better than the long speeches that driven us to slumber. Whatever it was presented would not be a big deal because we would not get any trouble if we stayed closer with the workers there. Then, we were aboard some kind of transport, like a coach with no doors or windows but a windshield instead. There're also four humongous monstrous-truck-like wheels and a driver seated in the cockpit.
Then, there's barely even a seat after the students wrestled to go aboard the coach. I was too slow in a tortoise motion, and so ended up sitting between ladies. I viewed the scenery there. It was beautiful. There were insects of varied kinds and myriad fauna everywhere. Linley whose seat was beside me was taking photos of the people at the back seemed bland with the flora and fauna surrounded her. She said she was getting sick with the plants and invertebrate insects that she had seen in her 15 years life. Esther was chattering with her friend, Sherry, also seemed no interest at the tropical scenery. I slumped back to the seat and listened to the indigenous worker who was in substantially dark complexion fudged a little about the tour euphoniously but actually sounded otherwise.
I rather enjoyed the impressive scene there. There's precipice of mountains, evergreen shrubs, palm oil farm and the list went on. The serene ambience soothed me into composure I sought for.
Then the transport's engine stalled before the outré exclamation from some students directed a lake with green water to the forefront of our view. We then went aboard the deck of the man-made motorboat. And for safety precaution, we would have to put on the mildewed life-jacket. I regretted after donning the orange musty-smelled life-jacket. We were surprised to peek so many fishes swimming by our boat in the mottled green water. The sweet breath of the soothing wind fanned across my cheek and it snapped away all my frets. Some photographers took many picturesque snapshots of the majesty of swimming fishes jolted against each other for the scattering food.
Then, we went to somewhere below the tarred road. We had to go down the stairs there and our intrigued eyes were still intent on the nature's beauty. We saw sparkling-clean water splashing down from the crevice of the rocks and maybe between brackens. Wan pei took an opened umbrella and held it under the falling water, whipping the water into eddies around her. She's exultant about it.
Then, we went jungle trekking. Borneo rainforest provided trekking tracks in the jungle for avid people enjoying wilderness galore in the nature's embrace. Yes, I couldn’t help but admitted for sure that never before had I used to have the opportunity to do this. I came across flora of hundreds or thousands kinds and we were still unsatisfied with the outlook but to search for more. I picked up the air was quite humid since my perspied chest hove to inhale and exhale for having my lungs a workout. Then, we saw some monkeys that might be caught there during their enjoyable freedom in the jungle. They made so many way-out moves in the cage that amused us. In a negative perspective of view anyway, so bad they were in custody.
Then, we passed by a bridge dangling high from the ground below, but we were unfortunately couldn't experience walking on it. Anyway, we went to the latest construction of the Borneo Rainforest and it's the swimming pool! Whenever I passed across the wooden bridge, I felt very scared as to stand on a wobbled wood under my feet. I was feeling like staggering my feet in mid-air.
Then, I knew people who had paid for playing water in this swimming pool, they would be having fun I wouldn’t seem to experience.
Then, we went jungle trekking again. Time wore on very slowly, and probably had worn me out. I felt exhausted after padding on the long bridge. Seeing farther from the bridge, we caught the resort building in sight. The worker held our attentions that we had to go on only inches to the resort for once and the walk would be so soon over. The people walking about in decades were all starved and sagging over for more walking. Feeling it's too lifeless when the distance walked off our feet.
Then, we saw foods like squadron of tiger packs met stags. lunch time! Walking a long bridge and two staircase were worth to have this as our rewards. And the most integral part I thought was the room was air-conditioned for us whose bodies had been drenched by sweat uncomfortably. The girls all squealed in frenzied intensity and rushed into the room which held invisible opened arms for us. Then, we put down backpacks, bags and everything and then sprinted for foods in quick shot. The foods which i thought was unlimited was otherwise limited, and it felt stifling in the air-conditioned room after sudden influx of people from different groups strained the space of rooms to its limit as to come for the party. I knew it's so bad.
Then, we assembled at hall again. The teachers geared students who had paid for playing in the swimming pool gathering then scurried all the people in order to the swimming pool. I went overboard to see those people playing water. Then, I decided to go by following those people. When I scooted there, the men stripped off their tops unabashedly before heaving themselves into the waiting cold water. The teenage guys in the pool buffeted by the strong undulated current the divers made. The waves rammed the people in water back and forth as if determined to share by pulling into halves.
There was a slide built high in the air about 12 metres high or sketchily higher. A couple groups of girls who already snuck a change of clothes went against the extreme height and wasn't seemed pinning down by the pressure. Then, when they slid down so quickly that the bodies flung round and round like a rag doll, their shrill squeak wafted distantly into watchers’ ears, jarring them ferociously into shreds, then instantaneously spraying big white clouds of pool foam in the air. The lanky built peers slid from different sides of slides-in catatonic shocks- pounded together at the convergence before plunged into the water with no less outpouring thrill. I was a heartbeat away from them until the icy beads were striking against my face and arms. I ought to feel an ounce of coolness.
Some of my friends were playing flying fox. I didn't know much about it but only what I knew was that the individual had to slide from the higher brink to the lower outcrop. Taking away all the craven attributes they had, they’d geared up so much for not paralyzing with extreme heights. Hopefully they strapped with parachute or else they might quail with large mass of fears. I heard that roughly from my other friends which so only could I vaguely visualised.
I thought it's fun but unfortunately it did cost. And it's wet blanket for who I was so stingy in so many ways. I wouldn't bother to see the people playing flying fox, but i just a little listless to manoeuvre the uneven ground before reaching there.
Then, i wanted to phone mum to send me back home in an exact time which was 4.30pm. However, a slight mishap proved that there wasn't any connection line as we are at where a place situated around green forest. I loped around the serpentine lane for any signals of connection until i stomped back to the resort alone. I phoned mum while the menacing bank of clouds churned sluggishly in the sky before I picked it up. I apprehended it in a blink before i trudged back to the swimming side where my backpacks situated. Till arriving there, I could feel it’s slightly drizzling and people already strained at the leash to returning to the hall. I ripped my glance off from the unacquainted faces flitted with enigmatic range to rake for my bag.
Distant images seen smeared through a downpour under my opened umbrella. Somehow i managed to shelter under a refuge where the rainwater pelted upon the roof. Running by swaying and leaning trees and enduring the whipping of strong gust of wind, I was able to strain every nerve and arrived at the hall where i had seen in the first place.
We gathered and crumbled into groups. Then, we all huddled against one another to rush headlong in the direction to the bus for a better seat. We filed in the beeline and headed into the welcoming door. After got onto the bus, I lolled over a comfy velveteen seat beside the window. The rain picked up and it poured down exactly I expected after drawing the drapes. Peers all drained out and gave way to tempting slumber when the bus en route back for school. Stuffy and uncomfortable, I mouthed silenced goodbye to the resort where only memorable moments could bind tautly inside mind of the my very soul.
I shot the last glance out the vaporized window to the resort blurred by sheeting rain before it finally got out of sight.
First of all, the students were told to assemble at somewhere around Block A or between Block B and Block C. I think is just them altogether.
We got on the bus, and I was still straggled behind the crowd anyway. We were all aboard in the bus and they were all in riotous laughter, and the party so was perked up!
First, the bus was organized and well-controlled for only its halfway before we were on a bumpy ride. When the bus went across untamed ground, the back seats of the bus bounced upwards on the spur of the moment, and the passengers seated at the back extolling how the ride rocked! Elisha was bantering with his peers sometimes interspersing with loud hoots of amusement.
After the bumpy ride that caused butterflies' assaults in my stomach, the students got off the bus, spreading themselves all out. Then, we took snapshots and went into the resort blithely. The workers there invited us affably at the resort; but somehow, some of the employees were seemed no genteel civilities. They groaned it’s too crowded. But anyway, that’s excusable.
We then sent to a hall that had simply equipped with basic outdoor games equipment. Great, the students started their impromptu games instead, yet it lasted no longer when the employees came at last and gave speeches about the safety precautions in the forest which I couldn't afford to listen nearly or mostly everything as where I seated was further back.
Then, it's time for watching the short clip prepared by the workers there. It's blunt, yet short, in a way better than the long speeches that driven us to slumber. Whatever it was presented would not be a big deal because we would not get any trouble if we stayed closer with the workers there. Then, we were aboard some kind of transport, like a coach with no doors or windows but a windshield instead. There're also four humongous monstrous-truck-like wheels and a driver seated in the cockpit.
Then, there's barely even a seat after the students wrestled to go aboard the coach. I was too slow in a tortoise motion, and so ended up sitting between ladies. I viewed the scenery there. It was beautiful. There were insects of varied kinds and myriad fauna everywhere. Linley whose seat was beside me was taking photos of the people at the back seemed bland with the flora and fauna surrounded her. She said she was getting sick with the plants and invertebrate insects that she had seen in her 15 years life. Esther was chattering with her friend, Sherry, also seemed no interest at the tropical scenery. I slumped back to the seat and listened to the indigenous worker who was in substantially dark complexion fudged a little about the tour euphoniously but actually sounded otherwise.
I rather enjoyed the impressive scene there. There's precipice of mountains, evergreen shrubs, palm oil farm and the list went on. The serene ambience soothed me into composure I sought for.
Then the transport's engine stalled before the outré exclamation from some students directed a lake with green water to the forefront of our view. We then went aboard the deck of the man-made motorboat. And for safety precaution, we would have to put on the mildewed life-jacket. I regretted after donning the orange musty-smelled life-jacket. We were surprised to peek so many fishes swimming by our boat in the mottled green water. The sweet breath of the soothing wind fanned across my cheek and it snapped away all my frets. Some photographers took many picturesque snapshots of the majesty of swimming fishes jolted against each other for the scattering food.
Then, we went to somewhere below the tarred road. We had to go down the stairs there and our intrigued eyes were still intent on the nature's beauty. We saw sparkling-clean water splashing down from the crevice of the rocks and maybe between brackens. Wan pei took an opened umbrella and held it under the falling water, whipping the water into eddies around her. She's exultant about it.
Then, we went jungle trekking. Borneo rainforest provided trekking tracks in the jungle for avid people enjoying wilderness galore in the nature's embrace. Yes, I couldn’t help but admitted for sure that never before had I used to have the opportunity to do this. I came across flora of hundreds or thousands kinds and we were still unsatisfied with the outlook but to search for more. I picked up the air was quite humid since my perspied chest hove to inhale and exhale for having my lungs a workout. Then, we saw some monkeys that might be caught there during their enjoyable freedom in the jungle. They made so many way-out moves in the cage that amused us. In a negative perspective of view anyway, so bad they were in custody.
Then, we passed by a bridge dangling high from the ground below, but we were unfortunately couldn't experience walking on it. Anyway, we went to the latest construction of the Borneo Rainforest and it's the swimming pool! Whenever I passed across the wooden bridge, I felt very scared as to stand on a wobbled wood under my feet. I was feeling like staggering my feet in mid-air.
Then, I knew people who had paid for playing water in this swimming pool, they would be having fun I wouldn’t seem to experience.
Then, we went jungle trekking again. Time wore on very slowly, and probably had worn me out. I felt exhausted after padding on the long bridge. Seeing farther from the bridge, we caught the resort building in sight. The worker held our attentions that we had to go on only inches to the resort for once and the walk would be so soon over. The people walking about in decades were all starved and sagging over for more walking. Feeling it's too lifeless when the distance walked off our feet.
Then, we saw foods like squadron of tiger packs met stags. lunch time! Walking a long bridge and two staircase were worth to have this as our rewards. And the most integral part I thought was the room was air-conditioned for us whose bodies had been drenched by sweat uncomfortably. The girls all squealed in frenzied intensity and rushed into the room which held invisible opened arms for us. Then, we put down backpacks, bags and everything and then sprinted for foods in quick shot. The foods which i thought was unlimited was otherwise limited, and it felt stifling in the air-conditioned room after sudden influx of people from different groups strained the space of rooms to its limit as to come for the party. I knew it's so bad.
Then, we assembled at hall again. The teachers geared students who had paid for playing in the swimming pool gathering then scurried all the people in order to the swimming pool. I went overboard to see those people playing water. Then, I decided to go by following those people. When I scooted there, the men stripped off their tops unabashedly before heaving themselves into the waiting cold water. The teenage guys in the pool buffeted by the strong undulated current the divers made. The waves rammed the people in water back and forth as if determined to share by pulling into halves.
There was a slide built high in the air about 12 metres high or sketchily higher. A couple groups of girls who already snuck a change of clothes went against the extreme height and wasn't seemed pinning down by the pressure. Then, when they slid down so quickly that the bodies flung round and round like a rag doll, their shrill squeak wafted distantly into watchers’ ears, jarring them ferociously into shreds, then instantaneously spraying big white clouds of pool foam in the air. The lanky built peers slid from different sides of slides-in catatonic shocks- pounded together at the convergence before plunged into the water with no less outpouring thrill. I was a heartbeat away from them until the icy beads were striking against my face and arms. I ought to feel an ounce of coolness.
Some of my friends were playing flying fox. I didn't know much about it but only what I knew was that the individual had to slide from the higher brink to the lower outcrop. Taking away all the craven attributes they had, they’d geared up so much for not paralyzing with extreme heights. Hopefully they strapped with parachute or else they might quail with large mass of fears. I heard that roughly from my other friends which so only could I vaguely visualised.
I thought it's fun but unfortunately it did cost. And it's wet blanket for who I was so stingy in so many ways. I wouldn't bother to see the people playing flying fox, but i just a little listless to manoeuvre the uneven ground before reaching there.
Then, i wanted to phone mum to send me back home in an exact time which was 4.30pm. However, a slight mishap proved that there wasn't any connection line as we are at where a place situated around green forest. I loped around the serpentine lane for any signals of connection until i stomped back to the resort alone. I phoned mum while the menacing bank of clouds churned sluggishly in the sky before I picked it up. I apprehended it in a blink before i trudged back to the swimming side where my backpacks situated. Till arriving there, I could feel it’s slightly drizzling and people already strained at the leash to returning to the hall. I ripped my glance off from the unacquainted faces flitted with enigmatic range to rake for my bag.
Distant images seen smeared through a downpour under my opened umbrella. Somehow i managed to shelter under a refuge where the rainwater pelted upon the roof. Running by swaying and leaning trees and enduring the whipping of strong gust of wind, I was able to strain every nerve and arrived at the hall where i had seen in the first place.
We gathered and crumbled into groups. Then, we all huddled against one another to rush headlong in the direction to the bus for a better seat. We filed in the beeline and headed into the welcoming door. After got onto the bus, I lolled over a comfy velveteen seat beside the window. The rain picked up and it poured down exactly I expected after drawing the drapes. Peers all drained out and gave way to tempting slumber when the bus en route back for school. Stuffy and uncomfortable, I mouthed silenced goodbye to the resort where only memorable moments could bind tautly inside mind of the my very soul.
I shot the last glance out the vaporized window to the resort blurred by sheeting rain before it finally got out of sight.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Victory. I was never been so happy than victory. All the PMR exams were claimed to be the past. I was glad to say that I'm one of the survivors. It was truly 煎熬 (torment), like it sung by Jess Lee, the outstanding singer from the Chinese Million Star. She was rebuked by audience about her high-pitch was kindly ear-piercing, though i thought it's all otherwise.
Yet, I was obsessed with New Moon, sequence of Twilight and i wondered if it's better to watch the movie rather reading it or the other way round.. I finished Twilight about months ago and i thought that New Moon was equally engrossing. I would have in my halfway flipping pages.
Now, the Form 3's students were busy with those PASCA thing and it's bothered to me anyways. PASCA was compulsory to all Form 3's student but I'm not dealing with it otherwise, I chose reading instead. It's much boring than some common clubs that I had known through. However, to escape is much harder than the literal means, as those stupid AJK were around our corner of eyes.
They plagued me from the outside to the inside, but i was pleased to escape successfully. And i heard from some other people- much older than the others and in the age like me- although differed from only about 1 year and months- scolding those 'young kids' as they forced them to anticipate. I was to agree with her disapproval except for the deroatory slurs anyway.
It still have some days to go but I preferably not to go for PASCA tomorrow to the extend that i deserve demerits. Hope i can arouse from slumber lately as possible.
Yet, I was obsessed with New Moon, sequence of Twilight and i wondered if it's better to watch the movie rather reading it or the other way round.. I finished Twilight about months ago and i thought that New Moon was equally engrossing. I would have in my halfway flipping pages.
Now, the Form 3's students were busy with those PASCA thing and it's bothered to me anyways. PASCA was compulsory to all Form 3's student but I'm not dealing with it otherwise, I chose reading instead. It's much boring than some common clubs that I had known through. However, to escape is much harder than the literal means, as those stupid AJK were around our corner of eyes.
They plagued me from the outside to the inside, but i was pleased to escape successfully. And i heard from some other people- much older than the others and in the age like me- although differed from only about 1 year and months- scolding those 'young kids' as they forced them to anticipate. I was to agree with her disapproval except for the deroatory slurs anyway.
It still have some days to go but I preferably not to go for PASCA tomorrow to the extend that i deserve demerits. Hope i can arouse from slumber lately as possible.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
加油
是的，这才是刚开始。
PMR 离我逼近，只有那一月十四天倒数计时。
这是我自由的枷锁，束缚得我无法动弹。
从前的向往已是遥不可及，来者只是命我向前行。
荆棘载途的道路上，使我是迷惑得不知所措。
我怕，我慌，是无法用词句所形容。
加油吧！
PMR 离我逼近，只有那一月十四天倒数计时。
这是我自由的枷锁，束缚得我无法动弹。
从前的向往已是遥不可及，来者只是命我向前行。
荆棘载途的道路上，使我是迷惑得不知所措。
我怕，我慌，是无法用词句所形容。
加油吧！
Sunday, June 12, 2011
TnT
School gotta reopen tomorrow, all in a sad case.
My homework hadn't dwindle and left them unerringly. Despite of the fact, I didn't feel disconcerting. I was seemed to be accustomed by the circumstances, and hence I showed no fear.
But the most terrifying things were likely going to start: the result of the previous exams. I really afraid I couldn't reap what I sowed. urgh, the result tomorrow will drive me deranged in the literal sense of the world.
I was; however, tried being composed. Therefore, meditation in any case was necessary.
My homework hadn't dwindle and left them unerringly. Despite of the fact, I didn't feel disconcerting. I was seemed to be accustomed by the circumstances, and hence I showed no fear.
But the most terrifying things were likely going to start: the result of the previous exams. I really afraid I couldn't reap what I sowed. urgh, the result tomorrow will drive me deranged in the literal sense of the world.
I was; however, tried being composed. Therefore, meditation in any case was necessary.
I am having some problems with my outfits and style, I know. Even though I have known about that a long time ago, but I still do nothing.
Some people have said I was so nerdy. Yes, I admit it ruefully. I never had the attempt to alter all the style I had although suffering from those uneasy snickering and chuckling. I don't know what's the reason, maybe I have embedded this habit since I'm young.
Could say I am diffident, perhaps. Besides, I am not that concerned about my appearance to the extend that allowing pimples grown rampantly.
Anyways fate will drift me on and on...
Some people have said I was so nerdy. Yes, I admit it ruefully. I never had the attempt to alter all the style I had although suffering from those uneasy snickering and chuckling. I don't know what's the reason, maybe I have embedded this habit since I'm young.
Could say I am diffident, perhaps. Besides, I am not that concerned about my appearance to the extend that allowing pimples grown rampantly.
Anyways fate will drift me on and on...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Supposed I really going to read some English novels. I commenced with a novel which known as the 'best seller' -Twilight.
I knew it was too late reading as it had outmoded and there were; anyway, new and latest novels from the sequence of twilight, such as the New Moon and so on I couldn't remember. It wasn't seemed to be too late for begining at the very threshold.
Twilight had been drawn critical acclaim, and hence I wouldn't appraise much and it was still recommended alluring whilst quite exaggerated that I thought some phrases could be omitted so it wouldn't be worn me out.
Recently, it was quite okay and I'm was still on with the summer holidays. Don't remind me with those 'stupid jerk', which people known them as 'homeworks'. I stacked them up to a precarious mound and it was bothered to dig them for one since it constituted uncountable in range. Sejarah project, Geografi project, KH kerja kursus... I didn't even know how to start off! Relief, I won't allow them continue to be triumphal as and when I was going to start off!
I was about to stop here since I had blabbered all a long time. Yet, it should had been like ages for me to be rapt on blogging.
I knew it was too late reading as it had outmoded and there were; anyway, new and latest novels from the sequence of twilight, such as the New Moon and so on I couldn't remember. It wasn't seemed to be too late for begining at the very threshold.
Twilight had been drawn critical acclaim, and hence I wouldn't appraise much and it was still recommended alluring whilst quite exaggerated that I thought some phrases could be omitted so it wouldn't be worn me out.
Recently, it was quite okay and I'm was still on with the summer holidays. Don't remind me with those 'stupid jerk', which people known them as 'homeworks'. I stacked them up to a precarious mound and it was bothered to dig them for one since it constituted uncountable in range. Sejarah project, Geografi project, KH kerja kursus... I didn't even know how to start off! Relief, I won't allow them continue to be triumphal as and when I was going to start off!
I was about to stop here since I had blabbered all a long time. Yet, it should had been like ages for me to be rapt on blogging.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The sake of ucapan awam bm
The white board written scratchily 'Ucapan Awam Bahasa Melayu'.
I was the audience who watched my friends presented meticulously with words spoken eloquently. After the simply swift presentation, , all of us drew acclaim as our riposte.
'Orang seterusnya, saya mahu lelaki.' persisted the guidance 'Alexander'. It staunched and I felt like my whole body would collapse and sprawled. They clapped, awaiting a sense of wry humour. Remaining the grotesque grimace, I blundered towards the teacher for the title scrawly written on a plain memorandum ,'Mengapakah kita perlu membeli buatan Malaysia'. I had never tried this before - did the oral test without any paraphernalia. My brain turned blank, my perturb emotion had not been reassured, but the unpremeditated surprise assaulted me recurrently. I scurried maladroitly and was not omitted by a roomful of stares. I felt every steps of me were precipitous and every heartbeat thumped rhythmically.
The people in front of me were looming up intimidatingly. I tried to shunned those dreadful stares, I could feel my fist was wet with giving-off perspiration. i knew the public speaking entailed, but I could not even emitted any sound as an abhorrent dumb as, whose legs shuddered violently. 'Tajuk...' I threw one word out and there was a ripple of laughter spread irrepressibly.
'Tajuk...' their applause made my sentence trailed off.
'Tajuk...' they continued laughing.
'Dia pun belum cakap tajuk' The utterance blended seamlessly with the laughter.
My chest heaving as I sucked in deep lungfuls of air and I commenced my oral speech all again. 'Tajuk saya pada hari ini ialah mengapakah kita perlu membeli buatan Malaysia.'
That was a long dead silence before I consumed mouthful of saliva and continued.
'Hal ini kerana... kerana...' my ideas faded as I was tongue-tied after my words had been devoured by the agitate emotion, and hence I drawled momentarily.
'meningkatkan pendapatan negara.' JH succoured me in such an arduous situation. I apprehended promptly and winged a silent thank-you to her.
'bagi meningkatkan ...pendapat negara...' I stammered recklessly.
'pendapatan negara.' she rectified me.
'Pendapatan!' I blabbed rashly.
The acquainted silence hovered the confined room again.
I could not do this anymore, I should made the end..
'Terima kasih.' I uttered curtly on the spur of the moment.
'Habis?' the BM tec\acher glanced me with a jaundiced eye.
I set up a defensive barrier, refusing to accept those detrimental whilst scornful opinions. It was no doubt, the taunting censure could only deflate my ego. So, what's the big deal? I cloaked myself and quickened my pace back to my dull place where I was familiar with.
There was a 'D' in the record. Whatever, my self-esteem was ready to be taken a beating.
'Stick and stone could hurt my bones, but words could not hurt me.'
I was the audience who watched my friends presented meticulously with words spoken eloquently. After the simply swift presentation, , all of us drew acclaim as our riposte.
'Orang seterusnya, saya mahu lelaki.' persisted the guidance 'Alexander'. It staunched and I felt like my whole body would collapse and sprawled. They clapped, awaiting a sense of wry humour. Remaining the grotesque grimace, I blundered towards the teacher for the title scrawly written on a plain memorandum ,'Mengapakah kita perlu membeli buatan Malaysia'. I had never tried this before - did the oral test without any paraphernalia. My brain turned blank, my perturb emotion had not been reassured, but the unpremeditated surprise assaulted me recurrently. I scurried maladroitly and was not omitted by a roomful of stares. I felt every steps of me were precipitous and every heartbeat thumped rhythmically.
The people in front of me were looming up intimidatingly. I tried to shunned those dreadful stares, I could feel my fist was wet with giving-off perspiration. i knew the public speaking entailed, but I could not even emitted any sound as an abhorrent dumb as, whose legs shuddered violently. 'Tajuk...' I threw one word out and there was a ripple of laughter spread irrepressibly.
'Tajuk...' their applause made my sentence trailed off.
'Tajuk...' they continued laughing.
'Dia pun belum cakap tajuk' The utterance blended seamlessly with the laughter.
My chest heaving as I sucked in deep lungfuls of air and I commenced my oral speech all again. 'Tajuk saya pada hari ini ialah mengapakah kita perlu membeli buatan Malaysia.'
That was a long dead silence before I consumed mouthful of saliva and continued.
'Hal ini kerana... kerana...' my ideas faded as I was tongue-tied after my words had been devoured by the agitate emotion, and hence I drawled momentarily.
'meningkatkan pendapatan negara.' JH succoured me in such an arduous situation. I apprehended promptly and winged a silent thank-you to her.
'bagi meningkatkan ...pendapat negara...' I stammered recklessly.
'pendapatan negara.' she rectified me.
'Pendapatan!' I blabbed rashly.
The acquainted silence hovered the confined room again.
I could not do this anymore, I should made the end..
'Terima kasih.' I uttered curtly on the spur of the moment.
'Habis?' the BM tec\acher glanced me with a jaundiced eye.
I set up a defensive barrier, refusing to accept those detrimental whilst scornful opinions. It was no doubt, the taunting censure could only deflate my ego. So, what's the big deal? I cloaked myself and quickened my pace back to my dull place where I was familiar with.
There was a 'D' in the record. Whatever, my self-esteem was ready to be taken a beating.
'Stick and stone could hurt my bones, but words could not hurt me.'
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Declaration
DECLARATION:
FOR YOUR OFFERED INSIGHT, IT WILL DEFINITELY RETURN TO YOUR HUMDRUM SCHOOL DAYS.
Actually, it is quite the same to compare with the school days and holidays. It is still dull and tedious. You know life is, quite boring in such only way, for me.
Whenever I go into the msn, I find no friends to chat with, poignant story huh. It's good to realise the manifest fact before it's too late. By the way, people will not read my blog I privately restricted, so I could just write brashly and recklessly. I think if someone sees my blog, she or he must just subconsciously drop by my blog. Anyways, thanks for reading. You're really good to endure my imprudent jabbering, whether it's informal or formal, but really thank you.
FOR YOUR OFFERED INSIGHT, IT WILL DEFINITELY RETURN TO YOUR HUMDRUM SCHOOL DAYS.
Actually, it is quite the same to compare with the school days and holidays. It is still dull and tedious. You know life is, quite boring in such only way, for me.
Whenever I go into the msn, I find no friends to chat with, poignant story huh. It's good to realise the manifest fact before it's too late. By the way, people will not read my blog I privately restricted, so I could just write brashly and recklessly. I think if someone sees my blog, she or he must just subconsciously drop by my blog. Anyways, thanks for reading. You're really good to endure my imprudent jabbering, whether it's informal or formal, but really thank you.
The words were resonant in my ears , vibrates everlastingly.
What if my world turn upside down?
Before the exams, I still clutched the books on my hands, studying. I went to school early in the morning like it still in the daybreak. I took everything for the studying stuff. Focus.
'Wah, Alexander. You study in this early-in-the-morning?'
'I think Alexander will go insane before we do.'
A sense of reminiscence aroused my attention, when people thought I was driven insane. Exactly, your words were right to deal with. I went insane without any senses.
What kind of person am I? I am miserable in nowhere although I know there was varied paths for me to continue my walking;yet, I am weary inside..I was daunted and melancholy with decisions made, and my growing fury which seething inside, and it might erupted in due course, sooner or later.
Perhaps my rapacity does seemingly show no ends. I know I could do it better, just my endeavours work out ;yet, I have lost in where I from and where I should go. It's all a self-delusion as I have misjudged my ability.
If I could only have a solution to rupture this entanglement, whether it should be hammered or burned it up. Scatterbrained me.
What if my world turn upside down?
Before the exams, I still clutched the books on my hands, studying. I went to school early in the morning like it still in the daybreak. I took everything for the studying stuff. Focus.
'Wah, Alexander. You study in this early-in-the-morning?'
'I think Alexander will go insane before we do.'
A sense of reminiscence aroused my attention, when people thought I was driven insane. Exactly, your words were right to deal with. I went insane without any senses.
What kind of person am I? I am miserable in nowhere although I know there was varied paths for me to continue my walking;yet, I am weary inside..I was daunted and melancholy with decisions made, and my growing fury which seething inside, and it might erupted in due course, sooner or later.
Perhaps my rapacity does seemingly show no ends. I know I could do it better, just my endeavours work out ;yet, I have lost in where I from and where I should go. It's all a self-delusion as I have misjudged my ability.
If I could only have a solution to rupture this entanglement, whether it should be hammered or burned it up. Scatterbrained me.
Friday, March 11, 2011
My world wasn't vividly coloured these days.
Silence, I got use with it.
How people think me in their perspective? There was an aversion and antagonism between me and other people. I can't make myself into the normal world. There was someone who don't talk to me since that day. She was just too hypersensitive or what the slightest provocation could stir her up just on the spur of the moment. I didn't disdain on her, but she looked just the negative point of view, which really freak me out. And she didn't talk to me anymore, like the last time event recurrently happened again. I didn't talk to her not because of I hate her like she did, I just didn't want our friendship aggravated to the worst. On accredit of no communication between us, the hatred still going on like last for perpetual ages.
Recently, I greeted goodbye to her, but what she gave me no response, even a glance. What she thought she was? Aim was to show her aggressiveness, or hostility, or nonchalance? Okay, this was a stupid act for some people who wasn't need any tactful greets. Ha, I was so a fool to taught her English and knowledge which she didn't appreciate.
So, the resolution for this circumstances was to carry out some psychoanalysis by professional psychologist, if I was mentally ill or not.
I could not stand anymore, and there were exams again. My brain really hurts! No one would know, even no offered insight about how I felt, how it hurts, how my vulnerable hearts broke.
I tried so hard to concentrate on my study, and my mum kept on saying ' study is the only way for achieving a better future','What you would do besides study?'.'You need to study to stay on this society.' Bla bla bla, she preached a lot, blabbering at my ears continuously.. She only knows the word STUDY. Who was her sons and daughters will die eventually.
I depressed when I didn't reap what I sow. I struggled so hard in books and my brain blanked when it was exam. The things that I studied, even 3 weeks before the exam I started studying, but the consequences was showing failure. It was so disappointing!!
Shut up was the best response of all. I felt my body fully numb with the atmosphere, the unsettled situations and bleak circumstances. If only I could cry, but whimpering cry was worse than howling weep. Boys should not shed tears, only can disguise all the grim feelings inside.
My intuition shows - Times will not be the solution to cure my wound.
Silence, I got use with it.
How people think me in their perspective? There was an aversion and antagonism between me and other people. I can't make myself into the normal world. There was someone who don't talk to me since that day. She was just too hypersensitive or what the slightest provocation could stir her up just on the spur of the moment. I didn't disdain on her, but she looked just the negative point of view, which really freak me out. And she didn't talk to me anymore, like the last time event recurrently happened again. I didn't talk to her not because of I hate her like she did, I just didn't want our friendship aggravated to the worst. On accredit of no communication between us, the hatred still going on like last for perpetual ages.
Recently, I greeted goodbye to her, but what she gave me no response, even a glance. What she thought she was? Aim was to show her aggressiveness, or hostility, or nonchalance? Okay, this was a stupid act for some people who wasn't need any tactful greets. Ha, I was so a fool to taught her English and knowledge which she didn't appreciate.
So, the resolution for this circumstances was to carry out some psychoanalysis by professional psychologist, if I was mentally ill or not.
I could not stand anymore, and there were exams again. My brain really hurts! No one would know, even no offered insight about how I felt, how it hurts, how my vulnerable hearts broke.
I tried so hard to concentrate on my study, and my mum kept on saying ' study is the only way for achieving a better future','What you would do besides study?'.'You need to study to stay on this society.' Bla bla bla, she preached a lot, blabbering at my ears continuously.. She only knows the word STUDY. Who was her sons and daughters will die eventually.
I depressed when I didn't reap what I sow. I struggled so hard in books and my brain blanked when it was exam. The things that I studied, even 3 weeks before the exam I started studying, but the consequences was showing failure. It was so disappointing!!
Shut up was the best response of all. I felt my body fully numb with the atmosphere, the unsettled situations and bleak circumstances. If only I could cry, but whimpering cry was worse than howling weep. Boys should not shed tears, only can disguise all the grim feelings inside.
My intuition shows - Times will not be the solution to cure my wound.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Whenever I flip the pages of the new planner 2011, to the 'Staff Akademik' section, I will easily chortle inwardly. The faces are so familiar, and can resemble people I knew. For example, Cik Charlene can resemble Bess, not only their body's figure, but the faces, too. They probably twins, just their statures isn't the same.
That day, when teacher absent unusually, perhaps they were too busy or embarked on something hectic, or maybe sicked... As a result, a teacher must have substituted for the teacher in charge. The arrival of the teacher amused us to laugh, not because superficial arrival, but the apparent face- same as Boon Yan's (3B class student). She still profoundly retarded, curious about our purpose of laughing. D, P, lz were thinking it was a colossal joke, dubbed her as 'Boon Yan's mother'. I could not resist the amusement, thus I joined the party. They also decided to play a practical joke-shouted names of the passerby at the pathway outside the classroom. They screeched at the back door without a door knob, with a circular hole there.
One that I thought it was really interesting shout was from KY.She shouted with the top of her voice,' Your trouser's zip was off!'The prank led the unacquainted guy turned his head backwards, examined what had happened and where the voice emitted. After he knew it was all a prank and he sheepishly stomped away, deserving a roomful of stertorous laughter. The played the prank just for a wahile, as 'Boon Yan's mother' groaned with indignation.
I was thinking that 3A students was a LITTLE 'monkey style' but it was kinda funny. How can I say? 3A rocks! (In other negative way)
That day, when teacher absent unusually, perhaps they were too busy or embarked on something hectic, or maybe sicked... As a result, a teacher must have substituted for the teacher in charge. The arrival of the teacher amused us to laugh, not because superficial arrival, but the apparent face- same as Boon Yan's (3B class student). She still profoundly retarded, curious about our purpose of laughing. D, P, lz were thinking it was a colossal joke, dubbed her as 'Boon Yan's mother'. I could not resist the amusement, thus I joined the party. They also decided to play a practical joke-shouted names of the passerby at the pathway outside the classroom. They screeched at the back door without a door knob, with a circular hole there.
One that I thought it was really interesting shout was from KY.She shouted with the top of her voice,' Your trouser's zip was off!'The prank led the unacquainted guy turned his head backwards, examined what had happened and where the voice emitted. After he knew it was all a prank and he sheepishly stomped away, deserving a roomful of stertorous laughter. The played the prank just for a wahile, as 'Boon Yan's mother' groaned with indignation.
I was thinking that 3A students was a LITTLE 'monkey style' but it was kinda funny. How can I say? 3A rocks! (In other negative way)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
CNY
Tiresome really killed me, linking to last-night story. I knew I should tolerate and not being prejudiced but the detonating fir crackers sounded like exploded cannons did stirring me up. i aroused from slumber, induced by those reverberating explosion echoed deeply in the sky, inducing by the repugnant firecrackers, relentlessly rived my eardrums. The riled sound did perturbed me simultaneously. The next day, my eye-bags were swollen from the eye socket, similarly resembling panda's deep eyes. I went to visit people's house today;yet, i was rigid and inactive. The jokes could not amuse me and just entered one's ear and flung off from another, as I was imperturbably moody. The visits slackened me feeling very drowsy and gonna dropped off. Notwithstanding of this, I enjoyed the confectionery, junk food, snacks in lots of kinds. the main point was-got ang paw from the people.
HappyDROWSY CNY, EVERYONE!
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