My world wasn't vividly coloured these days.

Silence, I got use with it.

How people think me in their perspective? There was an aversion and antagonism between me and other people. I can't make myself into the normal world. There was someone who don't talk to me since that day. She was just too hypersensitive or what the slightest provocation could stir her up just on the spur of the moment. I didn't disdain on her, but she looked just the negative point of view, which really freak me out. And she didn't talk to me anymore, like the last time event recurrently happened again. I didn't talk to her not because of I hate her like she did, I just didn't want our friendship aggravated to the worst. On accredit of no communication between us, the hatred still going on like last for perpetual ages.

Recently, I greeted goodbye to her, but what she gave me no response, even a glance. What she thought she was? Aim was to show her aggressiveness, or hostility, or nonchalance? Okay, this was a stupid act for some people who wasn't need any tactful greets. Ha, I was so a fool to taught her English and knowledge which she didn't appreciate.

So, the resolution for this circumstances was to carry out some psychoanalysis by professional psychologist, if I was mentally ill or not.

I could not stand anymore, and there were exams again. My brain really hurts! No one would know, even no offered insight about how I felt, how it hurts, how my vulnerable hearts broke.

I tried so hard to concentrate on my study, and my mum kept on saying ' study is the only way for achieving a better future','What you would do besides study?'.'You need to study to stay on this society.' Bla bla bla, she preached a lot, blabbering at my ears continuously.. She only knows the word STUDY. Who was her sons and daughters will die eventually.

I depressed when I didn't reap what I sow. I struggled so hard in books and my brain blanked when it was exam. The things that I studied, even 3 weeks before the exam I started studying, but the consequences was showing failure. It was so disappointing!!


Shut up was the best response of all. I felt my body fully numb with the atmosphere, the unsettled situations and bleak circumstances. If only I could cry, but whimpering cry was worse than howling weep. Boys should not shed tears, only can disguise all the grim feelings inside.







My intuition shows - Times will not be the solution to cure my wound.