interview

When i feel so weary, i will listen to a song i have heard for umpteenth times, 'we are the reason'. Although the times when i told myself i had to be strong and brave, i still couldn't hold back my tears. They trickled down my face. I broke down.

Now in the music, i give way to the outrageous upheaval. The same as before i can't hold back my tears and let them stream along my cheeks. When i feel myself drained of energy, i will always take spiritual meditation, listen to holy hymns to lead me out of weariness.

Many times i have experienced God's love and boundless grace.

Our english class teacher, puan soh told us that we would meet a lot of interviews after SPM, not just because of crusade for achieving a scholarship, but also obtaining a job and so on. All of these require a must of an interview. However, i have chatted with a friend that an interview is actually a very difficult thing for me. It is probably due to my introverted personality, weak communication skills, a very low self-esteem and dented confidence.

Once in a year i need to have an oral test. That's always the reason i get haunted and get so busy with preparation. It is because i think that i'm not a speaker who can express a topic impressively and eloquently in the eyes of thousand audience. Likewise, i would have to prepare well underway for weeks or maybe months to present myself in a short 3 to 5 minutes of interview.

An interview is very important as people can judge you from the perspective of your appearance, attitude and a list of academic results and co-curriculum awards. The utmost highlighted matter would be how you manage to promote yourself confidently to the interviewers so that the company can use you in the future. All in a short while they eye through your statement and appearance and judge about you. For years knowing myself, i know in depth that i'm a very timid person in my own world. On the spur of the moment, a withering question will spring out : how i get to present myself confidently in front of a line of strangers?

Interview is, a door to wrench open for a brighter new scene, a key to open the locked treasure chest. How am i going to open it without the key of confidence?

I know i have relied on God since i was young. I will always sit on the bed saying prayers so that He will help me whenever i meet obstacles and challenges. He is my harbour to keep me away from stormy waters and thunders. However, i have to be strong and brave enough to protect myself by using... sole confidence.And God's guidance too.

I would like to listen to 'we are the reason' again. It's a nice song as it gives me strength and hope whenever i'm down and distressed. None of the worlds could i describe God's love to me. I like this song, not because of the rhythm or music, but the lyrics, especially the snippet says :

To a world that have lost
He gave all He could give

to show us the reason to live.

The ways to know more about myself

Sitting in front of the computer, i scroll down the page aimlessly while my memories flash back to the days when i'm still in the life game.

i was thinking who i am when God so love me. He removes all the burden in me and calm the stormy waters. i have been humble or maybe depressed to have His mercy to wash off my sins.

i have win out all the troubles to make myself an obedient bookworm in others' point of view. Nonetheless, i feel discontented when people judge me a very obedient baby. I live in this world in a way that i care so much about how people look at and judge about me. And needless to say, i have lost the real me. I feel no aim of living but somehow, i can still be able to hold His hand whenever i fall.

People think i'm a very bright student with a lot of possibilities headed in front of me. Although my academic results tend to awe others but i feel no pride about it. I'm doing these because i feel i'm responsible to. This is actually not what i want; however, i don't know exactly what i want.

Basically and apparently i know nothing about myself. When people bring on a question about what i will be in the future, i will always respond it with a shrug. I have no idea about it. People judge a person by his or her personalities and consider if they suit a certain career's criteria. The point is i don't know what my real personalities are. I'm even confused about if i should involve in arts or sciences.

ASEAN scholarship is way ahead of me. It's approaching me nearer and closer. I heard from others that it will be a very tough test. I don't know. Every exams are just a burden for me. I was so shocked when i received the news that it will only take 30 minutes for a 350 words essay. That's damn hard for me. I was wondering how singapore students pull themselves through these frigging exams.

 As the saying goes, ' the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence', i live in a society which people compare one another within a wide range of rival groups. On the top of it, i'm stupidly involve in this everlasting rival. I always think that i should utilise all my abilities and strain all my efforts to be the best of the best. However the results disappoint me so much that it affects my emotional health now and then.

Even though i have gained my parents' approval for a long distance away to kuching in order to have the test, but i think somehow, this particular ASEAN scholarship selective test involves luck. I doubt the probability of getting the access for the further interview successfully. Many things are out of our reach and realm of control.