F U N

Just fun, despite I had a heavy drowsy headache. Somehow because I didn't have a good sleep, probably slight insomnia, caused by bewilderment, confused whether it was I having so much fun thing that evoked me during night or just purely what it was, insomnia.

I had time to blog now, finally.

Yesterday's schedule was full, ultimately. I had to wake up after hours from the daybreak, about 5am, I think. In the groggy state, I prepared myself to went for the LHDN-family-day program. I magicked up myself with aura of consciousness and bliss. I went there with my family. This program was organized by my father's colleagues. LHDN is probably my father's government company. The firm's staffs had created a pretty good ambiance. My two younger sisters were joining the colouring contest that also a part of the games from the program, and I got to help them within. My sisters all got prizes fortunately, and to be honour, I love the art that we had made (even though there wasn't much time for me to enjoy the view of my picturesque art).but... Ma love it!

I surveyed the games they played, my parents also participated. I rejected their offer to play games because I am not someone who gregarious and I doesn't love games, especially the really tiring ones. Anyways, I also indulged by my survey towards the atmosphere, the cooperation between one another, their laughter, and mainly, the foods. I usually don't eat fast food as I conceived they are unhealthy food, but the taste are just irresistible. Not only tasty were the delicacy, but I enjoyed the savor and stimulate my taste buds and my appetite revived, especially the fried chicken, I must say, Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC), I do love you so much.

The program just going on, the going including the Lucky Draw, the Prize-Giving, and much more happiness. About 2pm, the program ended and we went back delightfully, and I escaped from the last of all ,the photography session (despise to take photos towards my ugly face).

I had a while of nap, but it didn't last long because around 5 pm, I would go for the public-caroling. I never experience before how a public-caroling should be, as from my mother's words, it is like a trip to walk around the district of Miri big city. I thought it was an exhausting trip, and it must be long one, or else, my sister never rejected to go. She thought it was boring to dangle a 'gigantic embellishment' throughout the whole trip. The 'embellishment' probably is decorative details or features added to the Christmas-caroling to make the parade more attractive, but I thought it was just extravagant and a little sumptuous for the church to do these. = ="

I went there with my family (except my younger sister) around 4,30 pm, and I complained it was too early when we arrived and my mum retorted,' This was not a holy Cristian should be, this is a work for sacred God...' Yaa, she starting to chatter and unpleasantly nagging. I knew soo well she is a devout Cristian and couldn't I deny about it.

To cut short my story, the trip take about 1 hour and a half to finish and whenever we saw a crowd, we would greet,' Merry Christmas!' and won't forget to dangle the startling fluorescent stick, brightly shine in lots of colours. Some of the passer-by scowled with anger, maybe because we had made the traffic jam, besieged the drivers, but sorry because the public carol-singing out of sensitivity to the supposed tender consciences of other religions fail to notice that most people of other religions and cultures both love the story and respect the message, as the archbishop, Dr William uttered. Not only to the Britain who are 'weary annual attempts' to ban the Nativity plays or carol-singing, but to the Miri citizens, too.I saw Emmanuel seated with the people who are from Grace Church. I won't greet him, because I still scornful towards the harassment, can't be denied, I'm a sulky person.

It ended about 8 pm, I guess. Just fun to recall the past, just fun to blog, just fun to think it's fun, indeed fun, always.

Alone.

Alone, it is a good word in my opinion, and it means to relieve and free from any bother and agitation; tranquility. I always hope for solitariness, for ever. I loathe the people to obtrude the tranquility I had built up for. Because of the solitariness, I can feel the peace and placidity.

Nonetheless, if there is a bother, and it pester me for some lunatic reasons, I will damn well go crazy! This also leads me to have no friends, but it is so keen that I desire for, because I can get rid of the fake and hypocritical mask and to be the real me. The real me, is just a humourous person of a kind, and love to tell jokes to make people laugh and the job will never let spirits down.

Friends are whom can't be bother, because they always need you to put so much efforts and times with them, not only to perpetuate the conversation although with so much unwilling thoughts. Someone like me occasionally  try to relinquish and end up a conversation, and each conversation will not last long. Just answering the unpleasant interrogation and it will always end up with, 'I'm busy right now, later?' or 'gotta go now, see you later', even ruder, 'Bye' just in short message, easy right? but it can hurt one's heart.

You will always need to seem gregarious, so will need to smile to them. Do people know that smile is an exhausted task? I mean, do people always need to smile, because it seem so unwilling and hypocritical. Even though I know that pure smile can brighten a person's mood even herself aura, but for me, it is so insincere. I will guess if they have some slyly schemes, because people are as cunning as fox.

I only believe in God, because everything is predestined, and I know HE will definitely prepare the best for me.

So, remain emo...

Apology

I make things worse, especially friendship. I always offer insight that people think I'm a hypocrite. That day, I sent a message and post it in someone's facebook wall, just want to amuse someone to grin, but I make the trouble, and she might think that I'm willing to infuriate her. I didn't know anything but I pretended to know everything. it was so a debacle, indeed she might thought I meant to make her angry. To retrieve the wounded friendship and preventing it to deteriorate, I would try to apologise. Whenever an apology is emanated from myself, she would hate me because she thought that I never expiated, but I did, just I didn't know how to express it.

Friendship is a total failure for me, I don't know how to perpetuate a friendship. I didn't  know these things and because of them, I get giddy within. I don't know and couldn't know what people's thought. I want to use a duct tape to recover all the worst I had caused, but I perplexed how to get it right. The bleak circumstances, causing a sense of desolation and hope I could bemoan towards someone; yet, no ones could I shared towards.

Towards someone who I made them furious:
Sorry. Maybe you rejected my apology but I still need to apologise to set my mind and relieved. I just want to make our friendship perpetual but as the debacle from me, didn't know how to do. I know you spurn at me, but I must say I know my character isn't intact, but still, sorry.

The 'someone' probably are:
1) Dinosour -although you are really a squalor, but sorry for my contempt and ostracism.
2) Emo -You must think I'm hypocritical, but yes, I'm one of a hypocrite and sorry for disappointing you.
3) Sharon -Sorry I didn't greet you whenever I saw you.
4) QiLi -I know you don't have a computer with internet connection; thus, you won't see this but sorry because I show-off in front of you.

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more and more but I can't remember their names once... If I do remember, I will post the names in this post as promptly as possible.

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I miss the real me, and I feel dismally empty, because what if the real me does, how he make things better? I miss the cheerful me, the person who could amuse people to break into broad smiles; but who am I now, is someone I don't know.