Fire

Soon kindled and soon burnt. -William Shakespeare

A little fire is quickly trodden out;
Which, being suffered, rivers cannot quench.
-William Shakespeare

To burn always with this hard, gem-like flame,
to maintain this ecstasy, is success in life.
-Walter Pater 

Critical thinking

Last night was my cousin's wedding and i attended to help collecting angpaws from the relatives, recorded their amount and their attendance.

My elder sis who was in holiday now away from the university has been offered help to record the relatives' attendance. I was in charge of the calculating the amounts of the angpaws. Because i'm not very good in calculating, so i asked my younger sis to help me in case i screwed things up.

I didn't know much about the chinese culture especially during the wedding night, but in my vague idea, before reaching to the restaurant, they would have to go checking their names and table number in a list of record. After checking, we who were in charge would have to tick their names according their attendance and collect their angpaws which had rooted as a traditional culture, i think, and in which also included the calculating of the amount of those angpaw.

My younger sister really pulled me through the difficulties of handling things, such as receiving those angpaws and checking those people's names listed in the records. I also helped in searching their names in the list.

Things wouldn't get much easier when it came to calculating. We would have to calculate the total amount and record the amount of every person who had attended the wedding dinner. The wedding dinner had started ;yet, although we all starved, we still needed to do our jobs. I heard that there's another way which after we received the angpaws, we calculated the money directly but in concealed. However, we were not following that way, inserting every angpaws in a plastic bags instead before entering a room to calculate. A very funny style.

And that room was basically the dressing room for the bride and groom. In the confine of the room, the sound of we-me, Nancy, elder sis and my cousin, Paul- echoed. We started calculating and after that I felt so starved and weary.. i looked at my younger sister's face and out of the blue i let out grievance.

'I think we just go back to eat instant noodles.'

And then, my elder sis burst out a hollow laugh. Then, she suddenly got so pissed off and let off steam on me ,'Hey, don't complain more and eat quickly.'
That came as a blow to me.

After that, mum came and asked what it had taken us so long that even we missed our dinner. When i saw mum came, i pitched all the fit and pressure in me at will, ' mum, i think i'm not full after having the dinner takeaway, i think we'd have to go back to have instant noodles.' I strained to make it a joke but it backfired into a very wry one.

I saw my elder sis's face a very bitter smile after Paul forced a smile on his face. I guess i had hurt him very badly.

After my mum's very resolute decision, we then came out with a whole figure. Then, we went back to the restaurant to have our dinner. We only had 3 or 4 dishes left to relish.

When we came back home, my sis threw a fit on me that i didn't care the others. Paul not even tasted a food and i still grumbled. And criticised me that i'm not aware about the others' thought when all the people in that room were hungry and i actually vented my resent out on impulse. And it was so inconsiderate and insensible of me to keep grumbling the whole night when people who were still working out on the figure and I was still in a mood of enjoying food.

I got so upset that i felt i didn't have any sense in expressing myself and in savour of inconsideration. Critical thinking, i realised, i needed to work hard on that or else sooner than later, people may got really put out because of what i did and what i had done.

Regret

I have a conversation with a friend, and the conversation's course veered off course to about the girl, yong ee.

As she said different people have different personalities so we would have to endure whatever they have done. And suddenly i thought of what God have said..

路6：37 你们不要论断人，就不被论断，你们不要定人的罪。你们要饶恕人，就必蒙饶恕。

路17：4 倘若他一天七次得罪你，又七次回转说，我懊悔了，你总要饶恕他。

I suddenly regret what i think of what yong ee have done to me. What i have done is just sin. Hope He forgive what i have done. and the snippet of Amazing grace sounded in my ears.

Once blind but now i see.

Goosebumps raised and tears held back from trickling down. Amazing grace.

Life game

A city where people runs,
runs for the aim of reigning the world,
and in the pursuit of greed and materialism.

Drill, thrill, bill, ill, pill, will.
is that what we live?
is that what we want our lives to be?
but if there's a second time, a second life God gives eu,
what eu want for ur life to be?

Some of them turn out unemployed,
most of them become embroiled in financial problem,
rising inflation, taxes and increasing loads of living expenses,
they want to give up that game and packed out,
fail to finish that life race.

God gives hope when we stumble.
Finally, they went back to fight the world.
After the snarls and toils,
there are always ends between that two paths,
the narrow one and the broad one.

stupid

walau ee,i really can't stand that stupiak general clerk at my  school!! i'm not racist or what, but i have never seen someone so slack in her work! i have wasted the time since last friday to just get the pmr cert. and the first time she went to the toilet, i failed to get that cert. after that she wan wat ever fatimah(f*** ur ma) to request for getting back my cert. that girl said i wan to have my i.c to get back my cert. but sherry them no need to use i.c to gain access of getting that cert. So, i went back and told brenda them, brenda them and i went upstairs again to find that watever ma, and she said to have that access for taking that cert, eu need to have i.c and the girl that come out from toilet suddenly change her mind (maybe she found out that she LYJ when she HWSM), and tell us need i.c to take that cert. Walau ee, suan liao

and today, i use my i.c and go to school for taking my cert. after that, i quickly went upstairs again, and she's busy with the whatsoever photostat thing by the time yong ee them also waited too. then, i waited, but the chemistry extra class would start very soon. that girl said to me that i have to wait until 9 am to take it. suan le, i get it after the chemistry extra class since it's one hour away. after the chem extra class, it's already 10am. i went upstairs with damien to find that jerk. and then, she was eating her roti canai. i tell her to give back my cert. She rolled an eye to me and reluctantly said, dun eu see i'm eating rite now. Walau, this is your work! jerk!! as a clerk or watever so, eu should not breach that work commitment of providing the quality in service. that's what the government officer's attitude should be, and what's that attitude that contrasted with trying to juggle with the people enquired?? that heat-temper- steam slapped me on my face. walau ee, brain hemorrhage i have right at the moment, i got downstairs to jot down answers i left behind from the chem extra class.

 then, i went upstairs again, seeing her again, and even worse, she let out that very irresponsible words like let me rest for a while, i wan to muntah... watever so not professional really kick up that notch of my anger, the strong potent washed through my brain and my every nerves. then, i stalked off to the office as she ordered to do so. and ridiculously, she let me wait for about 10-20 min. not until much later after that did she hail me to her direction. suan le, i tried to calm that burning itch of anger churning in my stomach, i went inside. she really hit my nerves when she said how come eu forget ur index no. she really have that nerve of steel to say that i'm wasting her time to find my name in that 2 documents or archives something like that. who waste who's time actually??! and that index no is actually the last year memory i have shoved in the back of my mind under all the memory space i left for chem,phy, bio and lots of thing. and she's now blaming me for the failure of evoking the codes? handing that 2 files to me, i got my nerves hit hard, really hard that i really wan my fist on her face!! okay, i find it for my sake to let her see her irresponsibility. A general officer's trying to let the client to do her job?? that's too outrageous. ok then, i find it myself, and i kept the temper suppressed and calm. then, with curse under my breath, i veered my course, the course back to my home.

神经大条

第一次看到有人比我神经大条。
我： 可以借我你的chemistry notes?
他：你不会去跟别人借啊？A（某人） 有chemistry notes.
我：其实没什么，我今天抄完就会还给你了。
他：A 是真的有啦！（重复第二次）
我：你现在要用？
他：erm.. (想了好久）对。
我：你可以回家后再用吗？
他：erm.... (又是装可爱的脸，一看就知道他没有要用到的意思，又想找借口）
我：算了，跟你借东西很难 ==
他：（很大声）你现在才懂啊？
一个连chemistry notes 一分钟都借不到的人，我真的好幸运，世上还真有人比我惨很多。lolz 我知道不该在这里讲人，但是也太过分了吧？而且，他还说过这种话：”alexander, 你不会想一想为什么你那么少朋友吗？“我承认这是事实，但是我无法想象你的朋友到底是怎样容忍你的...

It have been months but decades -for me- to get into this blog and start blogging. Times have passed unevenly, weather has turned out all in all but capricious like always, trivial things popped out at every intervals; however, a particular thing that would not alter and yet, it's me who strive like a mad freak on studies and, other than study, that is still study.

Every results of the examinations are like erratic upheaval, up and down, and for all sakes, i have burned the boats by impossibly letting time and the happy-go-lucky me get conjured up. Things would not change and I 'm now striving for the sake of the final examinations.

Everything set at the right place but it seems that the only cinder in the whole crystal clear water is just to be me.

Tami Hoag - Secrets to the grave

Now, i'm on with my long-term holiday which whirlpool of boredom and twinge of halfheartedness drain me all out but i have borrowed this novel from the library and the description at the really front page is quite strikingly driving me attentive!

This is how's it going..

The house stood by itself back off the road in a field of dried golden grass, half ridden by spreading oaks. An amalgam of styles- part Spanish, part ranch- the once- white stucco building was weathered in a way that made it seem a part of natural surroundings, as if it had grown up out of earth and belonged there as much as any of the hundred-year-old trees.

The scene was a plain air painting,  soft and impressionistic: the golden grass, the dark trees, bruise-purple mountains in the background, and the whisper-blue sky strewn with long, thin, pink-tinted clouds; the small white house with its old tile roof. On the other side of the mountains the sun had begun its descent toward the ocean. Here, the day seemed to have paused to admire its own perfection. Stillness held the landscape enraptured.

Nothing gave away a hint of what lay within the house.

The driveway was a path of dirt and crushed rock with grass and weeds sprouted up the the middle like the mane of a wild pony. Falling-down fences the colour of driftwood created the lane between two overgrown pastures that had once been home to cattle and horses.

A vintage Woody station wagon well past its glory days was parked at a casual angle near an open shed full of rusted farm equipment. An old Radio Flyer red wagon had been abandoned near the front porch with an orange tabby cat sitting on it, waiting for a ride. On the porch two kittens played peekaboo among overgrown pots of parched geraniums and kitchen herbs. One propped herself up on the screen door and peered into the house, then squeaked and leapt and dashed away, tails straight up in the air.

Inside the house nothing moved but flies.

A horrible still life had been staged on the Saltillo tile kitchen floor. A woman lay dead, her hair spreading out around her head like a dark cloud. Her skin was the colour of a milk. Her lips had been painted as red as a rose- as red as her blood must have been as it drained from the wounds carved into her flesh.

She lay discarded like a life-size broken doll- made up, torn up and cast aside, her brown eyes cloudy and lifeless.

Beside her lay a smaller doll-her child- head resting on her shoulder, face streaked with the last of her mother's life's blood.

The flies buzzed. The wall clock ticked above the sink.

The telephone receiver dangled near the floor, stenciled with small bloody fingerprints. The last words spoken into it were a whisper still hanging in the air: 'My daddy hurts my mummy...'

A tinge of suspense hanging in the trail of the air enticing me to flip on pages to see how it would end and it's really exciting and enthralling! This author is the new york times number one bestselling author after flanking it to the cover adding with three lines of sub-headline that serves a heady spice for sending a scintillating thrill down my bottomless pit of my spine that predisposes me to take on reading.

The crime is unspeakable.
The secrets are unfathomable.
The only witness is a child.

I like reading but i would have a dilemma in choosing a better book for reading and i wouldn't want to be regretted if the book seems so boring to me.

Anyway, i have something to read for this holiday and i'm sure i would try my best take it all in me!

I wonder if i have settled in form 4 life.
Someone told me that it's a brand new life and i doubted it.
But then, I won't doubt it again.
It's only tiring and another dreadful world.
With a resigned sigh, I would have to bend myself resiliently in this so unpleasant circumstances.
I know i have to grow mature and that's life i have to learn, never stop learning.
Learning from the past, I have slaved away my youth for life of me taking up extreme studies.
and every now and then, I try sparing time at facebook but it's about to be impossible.